Greater powers are needed to censure private schools which are not up to scratch, the Law Commission has recommended.

In a report issued today, Law Commissioner Sir Geoffrey Palmer said the 90-year-old legislation covering private schools was "past its use-by-date".

Private schools that do not meet standards can be deregistered, but lesser penalties are not available, the report said.

There were also gaps in what is required of private schools with no restrictions on who can operate them, including people with lengthy criminal records, and schools are not obliged to look after students' welfare.

"This is obviously unsatisfactory in the 21st century," Sir Geoffrey said.

The report's recommendations aim to make the legislation less ambiguous and provide more options for dealing with schools that do not meet standards or comply with the law.

Schools should be required to offer a "safe and supportive environment" where students' welfare is taken into account, and staff should be vetted to ensure they are "fit and proper" for employment.

The report also recommends that enforcement powers be increased to ensure schools comply with registration criteria and fulfil their statutory duties.

Government should also be able to step in when there are reasonable grounds to believe criminal activities are occurring, such as fraud or harm to children.

A number of new actions against non-compliant schools should be introduced, including prosecution, withdrawing some or all Government funding, and suspending a school's registration.

"It may seldom, or never, be necessary to use such powers, but they need to be there in case," Sir Geoffrey said.

The emphasis should be on assisting rather than penalising schools, he said.

"The purpose of this report is certainly not to make fundamental changes to the private school sector.

"For the great majority of schools it will be business as usual."

The private school sector in New Zealand was generally strong and many schools were "very good indeed", Sir Geoffrey said.

New Zealand's 99 registered private schools last year had a combined roll of about 30,000 students.

The Government has been criticised by Labour for increasing funding of private schools.

Many people take their kids and run when subjected to bullying and ostracism. I guess that this is what it is all about. Whether one is young or old the rejection from ones peers, school or community is horrible. Throughout time hundreds and even thousands of years ago it was used as a form of punishment when someone did not bend to the will of the pack.

No Tall Poppies Allowed! Head down bum up!

It is all designed by the leader of the pack and many conform out of fear or weakness.

There will be those, however, that are outside of the square, individualistic and non conformists by nature. How do you tell your child to try to fit into a peg hole if they are square? Do we encourage them to chop little bits off of themselves to please the pack?

Teach them that no one can own their sole. They need to hang on to who they are.

But a wise woman told me that realistically we all need to get on with our peers and later in life our co-workers, so it is important to teach our children how to shut up, crinkle their eyes, hang out their teeth and walk away. There is nothing like a good fake smile and walking away. While they are smiling they can think whatever they want.

The bullies are looking for a reaction so if we can teach our children not to react they will lose interest, if your child is lucky. If not you will have to intervene. Prepare yourself to feel rejected, alone, frustrated and like everything is against you. Know that when you take school or teacher to task they will most probably let you down if the family attached to the monstrous child is more powerful in your community.

Know that bullies breed bullies, as the parent is the one that sets the tone and is the child’s role model. Know that people are not on their side they simply fear the ramifications of standing up to the bully.

You can contact the following authorities if your child is being bullied and the school, public or private, is not handling it;

• Police Youth Education
• Ministry of Education
• Office of Children’s Commissioner
• Human Rights Commissioner
• Education Review Office- www.ero.govt.nz
• Legal Aid for Kids
• Teachers Council – www.teacherscouncil.govt.nz or the equivalent in your state and country.

If you have an issue with a teacher that fails to help your child, takes the easy way out and the administration fails to remedy the situation you have rights. Check the legislation where you live on Education Acts. In New Zealand Act 139AZC. *see resource area to view this document.

Your child needs to be in school and the school has to provide your child with a safe emotional and physical environment. If you keep your child home while waiting for the school to intervene recap every conversation with a follow up email on the day. You do not want to be charged with truancy. The responsibility to resolve the issue quickly is on the school. Put in writing what you are waiting for and that you wish for your child to be in school. There are a limited amount of days in a year that your child can be absent from school and a certain amount of consecutive days depending on legislation. Do your homework by asking all of the right questions. Do not be intimidated it is your job to advocate for your child.

If you have a conversation with a teacher and or principal recap it and make sure to leave a paper trail. If the bully belongs to a more powerful/popular family it happens that the school and other parents may turn on you so you will need the emails to prove the time line, incidents and assurances that you have been given to support your child.

There is definitely a Code of Ethics for Registered Teachers. Teachers need a teaching license for private and public school. Even if the school is not holding them accountable the Teachers Council will. *see resource area to view this document.

The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, 'This is for you, Momma'

The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner.

'Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?'

She had tears in her eyes and said, 'Oh, Momma, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full.'

The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.

Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family and friends. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

I just can't bear grudges. I've tried. I've known resentment and anger and hurt. I can remember trying hard to remember all the bad, but I'm a hopeless optimist. Not only do I think things will get better, I truly believe I will rob myself of the 'now', the joy that could be mine right now. So I let go of the bad. Forgiveness is really important to me.

I have been forgiven - people who know and love me accept me with all my faults and foibles. And I in turn am able, through deliberate choice, to allow their faults and foibles to pass me by. It's not that I ignore them; I fully see the errors in other's ways and through that I choose to love, and select grace every time over resentment.

As I see it, I can't change the other's behaviour that vexes me. I can, however, have control over how I react. It actually doesn't matter what happens to me*, it's how I deal with it that enhances my worth and well being. My choice must be to bring favour and joy, at the very least to myself, but also to the others with whom I interact; the flow-on effect might just stop with me!

So how to do that? One place to start is to identify the actual action and note just why it bugged me so much. That done, honestly assess - did I over-react? Probably. I am also acting out of my own humanness and weakness.

I can now choose to let this situation improve me through allowing it to mirror to me my own behaviour and to take responsibility for myself. This is called growing up. Not always easy, but so necessary. This may take time.

Next, having gotten my own ego out of the way, is there pain in the other person's life? Is there a special reason I am the one to help them on this journey - do I have the privileged position of walking a path with them that is not at all easy, in order for them to grow? If I turn away, will they lose something special and unique that might only be learned through me? That may be reconciliation - am I willing to give that chance up by bearing a grudge that would exclude open communication.

That's all good in theory but can I really forgive? Can I give interaction, communication, friendship or hospitality as if it were before our issue? Am I now able to give as before - to forgive them? If I hold on to the grief, the pain of the issue, I am the one who is robbed. Am I consumed thinking about 'it'? Do I plan my day to avoid this person, this issue? Do I constantly talk of it? Are my friends now avoiding me in case I mention it? Or worse, in case I act that way towards them? Is my time not better spent bringing joy into the lives of those around me?

I know that feeling of "why is it always happening to me?" and the perennial nag, "it's not fair!" Well, life is not fair. Why shouldn't it happen to me? Bad stuff happens... why not to me? I'm not so special that I should be covered in cotton wool and miss the real parts of life. I need to feel the wholeness of life; the fullness of the ups can only be known when contrasted with the depth of the downs. But that is also a matter of choice. To accept that is to find some peace. To give up the resentment and confusion is to know peace.

This is the last step of forgiveness. Can you actually bless the other person on their way? Can you in all honesty, wish them well? Sometimes you will need help to get to this point, but the effort is worth it. Imagine your life if you could let bygones be bygones and grudges rot in dust. Practise with small issues first. Be loathe to take offense. For it is a weighted pathway. I certainly find the weight of carrying regret and resentment too much. So, I just can't bear grudges.

*and there has been some bad stuff - really bad stuff.

It can be worrying if you have a little one who works well in routines and is a bit afraid of change.

`As a parent I can certainly empathise with your concern. However, most experts say that children usually toilet train themselves between the ages of two and a half and three and a half, so it sounds like you might have a bit of time up your sleeve in which to try a few new strategies.

You could begin with your local early developmental clinic (Plunket office or Barnados) or your Early Childhood teacher. They probably have some pamphlets which would be helpful. There are also lots of really great websites with free information. You could try www.3daypottytraining.com, www.lifefamilyeducation.com/toddler, www.tootntinkle.co.nz  Adventures in Toilet Training
.

Another great resource is the Forum part of kiwi Families and you can find all the past answers written by Susie and Paula.

If however you feel there may be a physical problem then check with your G.P. In six months time, after having tried some different strategies, and you still have a problem then contact your local Ministry of Education Office, in particular the Early Childhood Intervention Centre. This is the Department to whom referrals are made from kindergartens and Early Childhood Centres. You may self-refer and explain your problem and you will be assigned someone to put strategies in place for you.

Hope all goes well, in the meantime.

Debbie Knowles

B.A. Dip. Tch. N.Z Registered Teacher. Experienced classroom teacher. Ex Head of Learning Support Carmel College.

www.springboardnz.com

09-445-4591

Even if she feels bored sometimes in the classroom, school is still one of the best places to gain invaluable social skills. One of the most important skills for our children is their ability to have fun with other kids . By the time your daughter is a teen having friends will be a big part of how successful she feels - and spending time with them will be high on her list of favourite things to do. One of the positives about being one of the older children in a year group is that emotionally they are able to confidently cope socially - so that’s a real plus.

Maybe you could also focus on afterschool activities to develop her skills in sport, music, drama, art or whatever  else she enjoys.

Another question that question comes to mind with any gifted child is, has she been assessed by an Educational Psychologist?

Cognitive testing looks at both intellectual functioning and academic functioning.

At the completion of the testing a report will be written and feedback will be given to the parents along with recommendations for the young person’s future development.

This process often includes
- an initial assessment with the young persons parent
- an assessment phone call with classroom teachers.
- Approx. 3 hours of testing , scoring and report writing.

If parents prefer the feedback session can take place at school and include teachers and other involved agencies.

This is expensive but the school may provide some funding to help with costs.

If your child is genuinely gifted then many schools will be flexible in meeting her needs. One thought may be that she attends the morning extension class and has a dual enrolment with the Correspondence school in the afternoon. Or maybe she completes GO in the afternoon , an online version of One Day School run by the Gifted Education Centre. Your Ed psych. will be able to give you good advice here and also work with the school to ensure your daughter’s needs are met.

I would also suggest you go online at wwwgiftededucation.org.nz to check out all the resources they have available. They also have a parents’ forum and it would be interesting to chat with other parents as to what they are doing for their gifted children.

I wish you all the best in mapping out a personalised learning plan for your daughter.

JulieMulcahy 

It is very important to apply basic principle consistently so children know what the boundaries are and exactly what is expected of them.

If we want to instil high self esteem and positive communication in our children then we have to do this by role modelling. If we are constantly nagging, criticizing and talking to them about things that they are doing that we do not like rather then reinforcing what we do like about them then they will not pick up the positive messages.

It is important to know what we expect and want to encourage.

I suggest using the following a guide line;

•  You must communicate clearly. If your child does not hear what you are saying (they my even be hypnotised by the T.V. or computer) then you are    setting them up for failure. Messages should be short and clear. It can be belittling for a child if you bark commands at them. So please keep it short and sweet. They need the time to process what you have asked them to do and they may have questions. It is possible to be clear, short and consistent, as well as, kind.

•  Pick Your Battles. If you want to win the war it is important to pick your battles so ignore little things.  If you are constantly nagging at your child they will tune you out. If they are not doing something dangerous or incredibly bad ignore what they are doing. Children need to have success more then they have failures if they are to be motivated to succeed.

•  Positive attention & Affection is so important. Children need to be hugged and hear praise.  T is so important to recognise and point out the good thing that they do. It encourages them to continue making positive and helpful contributions. This is much more effective then screaming at them and criticizing the things that they do that are wrong.

•  Not Every Child Is the Same. You must allow for differences in children’s personalities. Not all children are the same and respond to the same things. This means in other words that they are motivated by different things. Some children are easier to guide through life and the challenges that it presents but it doesn’t make them bad and they need to feel understood.

•  Everyone makes mistakes. I know that I make mistakes. It is important to let your children know when you make a mistake and for them to see the process of recognition and correction in order for them to learn accountability from the example that you set.

For more information contact www.ICanDoItLifeSkills.com  09-528-8791

My heart really goes out to all you Mums who feel that it is your fault if your child just doesn’t seem to “get” school
YOU are not a failure / a bad mum or useless!!!!
You have obviously tried all sorts of ways to help your wee boy and for whatever reason it isn't working.

Stop trying to teach your boy and instead just have fun playing and pottering about together. Keep reading to him and talk to him. Enjoy life together and find things he does well and notice and praise him.

When you get angry and frustrated when you are helping your child "learn" you make your child nervous and anxious and that creates problems in that they become scared to try. He is also probably very aware he is struggling and school and may be losing confidence in himself.

The RTLB ( Resource Teachers of Learning and Behaviour) are an amazing service and I am so glad they are coming in to work with you and the school to find out what is happening for your boy.
They will do some assessments and they may also get assessments done by people outside the school eg Educational Psychologists.

There are many reasons why your son may not be progressing and it’s important you find out what they are quickly and he gets the help he needs.
Work with the RTLB and his teacher to get to the bottom of this .

If you would like support from a parenting group let me know and I will supply you with some options and their contacts. There are many supportive groups out there.

Please don't feel like a bad mum. You sound like a great mum who has every right to be worried and fearful. Children with learning difficulties and special needs come from all kinds of families including ones full of love and learning - just like yours.

Take a big breath and love your son just the way he is, as you begin your search for how to support him learn and flourish.
Make sure you talk to other supportive parents about your fears and let them help you through this.

You are welcome to write again for any help you may need.
Take care

Julie

Julie Mulcahy -B Ed. Dip. Tch. NZ Registered. Experienced classroom teacher for students with learning or behaviour issues.  

www.springboardnz.com - When you're ready to make a change - and just don't know what to do.

p: +64 21 150 4215

The good news is that you have time to do it and everyone has periods of trial and error while raising a family. Children have challenges and some are easier to guide through life than others. Each child is unique so, one rule in many cases can not apply to all. Each child is motivated by different things. The best way to get on the right track is to be a positive role model. Your children are watching you. This should give you a feeling of empowerment not fear. They are not waiting to catch you making mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. What they will learn is the example that you set while resolving issues that you are faced with. This will help them learn to be accountable and responsible. Life presents every human being with challenges and being a positive problem solver will help your child be successful in whatever they may choose to do.

Teach Cooperation - Mary Poppins said it perfectly "a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down."

The best way to get your children to cooperate is to make it fun! You can make a cleanup a race against time by using the kitchen timer. You can let them add a bit of food coloring to the water to the tune of their favorite color when they wash the dishes. Point out that you all create a lot of laundry and count everything together as you fold it. These activities are actually teaching your children basic life skills.

Communicating on what you think about your child's behavior is a must.

You must shape your child's behavior, approval and disapproval is an effective way of doing this. It is so important to make sure that you are clear that it is the behavior being addressed and not the child. Instead of saying "your are a naughty boy. Why did you do that?" You could say " what you did was very naughty and you should not do it again because..." What you are doing is showing disapproval of a behavior and not assassinating the child's personally.

Build High Self Esteem.

You can make your children do things out of fear of punishment or pain, but they won't learn much more from that then how to be a bully. It will not encourage self discipline and high self esteem. A parent needs to be a positive role model and show self control, non violence and respect for their children's feelings. When children feel loved, respected and you set clear boundaries, in most cases, they will want to please you.

Making Mistakes.

Everyone makes mistakes. No one likes to lose face, so admitting that you have made a mistake can be difficult but essential for the learning process. Help your child save face by saying things like " that spilled because it was too heavy for you, next time ask for help."  If your child forgets to do something point it out to them and ask them to do it but add "never mind, we all forget to do things sometimes."

Don't make them feel stupid.
Don't harp on a mistake that they have made.
Point out when they get things right and do a good job.
Cuddle them often.
Tell that how very much you love them often.
Pay genuine compliments to them.
Do not tease them about their weaknesses or shortcomings.

"A Stitch in time may save nine" means a timely effort will prevent more work later. Many English proverbs encourage immediate effort as preferred to putting things off until later for example, 'one years seeds, seven year's weeds', 'procrastination is the thief of time' and 'the early bird catches the worm'. We all feel time poor these days.

It is just as important to look at how you are going about things as it is to look at how much you are doing and if anyone is sharing the responsibilities. It is imperative to teach your children life skills and social values so they can become effective and self sufficient. You can't do it all by yourself and still be a good parent. It is a 'must' to set a good example if you and your family are going to be able to share positive family time together. You want to do more than just survive raising your children. It should and can be a happier and more positive experience. After all, it is the biggest and most important commitment you will ever have. It is important to get it right!

It is so important to teach children good habits from as early an age as possible. This can be difficult if the good habit is a weakness of your own. Children just don't buy the 'do as I say, not as I do' routine. In generations past children honored their parents differently and were less quick to call them on hypocrisy. So in this generation if we want to do right by our children and have a happy family life then we need to lead by example and battle our own demons. When you think about it this is perhaps the most powerful message and example that we can set for our children. Procrastination is a weakness that many possess and as parents our children can learn from us that it is important to face our demons and do our very best to overcome the weaker aspects of our personalities.