Helpful strategies
Children having tantrums between the age of one and four have nothing to do with whether or not you are good parents or they are good kids. They are a normal part of development. Young children do not yet know how to put off immediate gratification and can find waiting for something very difficult.
Children do not have the coping skills when they are feeling frustrated and stressed most probably because they do not yet have fully developed verbal skills.
Tantrums most likely appear when;
- a child is hungry
- a child is tired
- a child is bored
- a child is uncomfortable
- a child is over stimulated
- a child feels unwelcome
- a child is jealous
It is a learning developmental process learning how to manage ones feelings.
It is important that you try to remain in control of your own feelings no matter how demanding and persistent your child is. The worst thing that you can do is pay too much attention or give in. There is also no sense in locking horns with your child so you are better off trying to distract them.
It is incredibly hard to stop a tantrum once it has begun so it is better to try to diffuse it when you see it coming. Try slowing the pace down and do not give your child too many options or choices to make. Two options are usually enough and both should guarantee an outcome that is acceptable to you as parents.
Most children find it calming to know what is coming up, so they like having a fortune teller. Give them a heads up so they know what is to come. It does not take much sometime to rock their worlds so let them know when it is time to go ten minutes before. Tell them when you have made appointments or will be taking them shopping with you etc.
When they are having a full on tantrum
It may very well be at the supermarket or a number of other places where there is no ‘naughty spot’! Never mind, so long as your child is not in harms way let them blow off steam. If they see they are not getting the response that they want and are not managing to push your buttons they will calm down faster. You may be mortified but do not show it.
I advise taking them out of a shop and to a quieter place until they calm down. You should not have to be embarrassed nor should they. Other people do not have to be put out either.
When they calm down show them praise for the demonstration of coping skills but do not give into their demand under no uncertain terms.
Most parents can figure out what the riggers are to tantrums based on the triggers indicated above. You can be armed with an arsenal of snacks, drawing pencils, a special blanket or toy etc. You may have to reschedule certain things around your child’s energy levels.
Try to remember that tantrums are not planned or intentional for the most part. They are a sign that your child is in overload. The frequency depends on the child and your ability to tap into what triggers them. Talk to other people that interact with your child and get feedback. Try to have a consistent and calm approach and make sure that you and their other parent are on the same page. Better that you manage the tantrums than they manage you.
